Just another day in the Life of ....ME

Easter 2011

2011-04-27T15:49:00.000-07:00

This Easter felt a little different than Easter usually does for me. The last 4 years I had spent Easter with the Metz Family; so it was strange to spend it with James' family this year. I suppose I should get used to it though. I need to get out of routine anyway; change happens, I just need to embrace it.

Although Easter felt strange in some ways because of how it was spent, the meaning of it is just as powerful as ever. I'm so blessed to know of the importance of the atonement and the opporutnity I have to apply it in my life. Sometimes it still amazes me that Christ withstood all of life's hardships and took on the sins of the world just so that we can return to our Father in Heaven. That is what love really is.

To celebrate the holiday season, James and I went to church of course and listened to some amazing lessons centered on Christ and the atonement.

We also decorated Easter eggs and spent the evening having Easter dinner with his family. It was an enjoyable and memorable Easter.

70 Days....Ready, Set, GO!

2011-04-16T16:49:00.000-07:00

So I was looking at where we are in preparing for the wedding. As of today we have 70 more days until we are sealed for time and all eternity. It couldn't come any slower!
I'm really not one who cares too much about planning for this wedding, I kind of want to just get it over with. However, there is a part of me that does want to make it special all day long when it does come. Luckily I have some wonderful people in my life that will help make that happen without me stressing out.

While I wait, I decided I really need to get in shape. After all, I want to be able to fit into my dress! Besides, I've taken pretty much a month long break from working out. It's starting to get beautiful out, might as well take advantage of the weather and get in shape. Next Monday will be my day to start a work-out routine full-fledged. Hopefully I'll stay motivated and will make the time go by faster.

Also, just an update, I will start a new job on May 2nd. I finally got a social work position in an Alzheimer's unit in Colorado Springs. I can actually afford to pay my bills, utilize my degree and actually feel accomplished at the end of my day. I'm very excited and I'm so blessed to have been given this opportunity.

70 days left until I get married; so I'm getting ready with my work-out routine, I'm set with my new job and I'm excited to GO! :-)

March Updates

2011-03-13T17:18:00.001-07:00

So I got my dress finally! So that's another big thing off the list. I'm so excited for it. I also got the opportunity to go shopping with Joanne (future Mother in law) to look at cakes and flowers. So the planning is coming along. We've also moved our wedding date to June to allow us more time to plan, and allow for other family members to come out.

As far as my job is going....
So I got promoted to the position of Community Liaison at El Paso County Child Support. I'm so excited for it. It's a lateral move, so I don't get more pay, but it's a position that will take me places and that will actually let me exercise my social work degree. Unfortunately, the company I'm working for doesn't have everything together, so I'm still not in the official position yet. I'm still a full time case manager, on top of part time community liaison. It's a lot of work. I'm hoping I will be rewarded in the end though. The rumor is I'll get to be in my actual new position in June. We'll see.

I'm also working on being successful as an Herbalife Independent Distributor. I'm a Personal Wellness Coach and want to help individuals achieve their weight-loss or fitness goals. I've become quite knowledgeable and interested in health and wellness, and I decided that becoming a Personal Wellness Coach through Herbalife was a perfect opportunity. Currently I'm hosting a weight loss challenge at work. I also held one last winter at work as well that was quite successful. I'm really enjoying this as side work. I'd like to expand and do more weight-loss challenges, so I'm working on that. Right now I have a blog up about health and nutrition where I can educate, inform and provide tips and tricks for individuals who are trying to achieve their fitness goals. You can check it out HERE. All of my posts are well researched and things I have personal experience with.

After being out of college for about 10 months, life is still not what I expected. It's really hard and frustrating. But I'm trying to keep my chin up, my thoughts positive and live life as best as I can.

Wedding Planning?!?!?!?!?

2011-02-03T18:30:00.000-08:00

So it's like less than 3 months until I get married and I really haven't done much planning.
The thing is....I have no idea how to plan a wedding! I'm not sure where to start and what to do. The things that I have planned are the following:

Colors: Pink and Lime Green
Where: Denver Temple
When: April 30th

Yup...that's about it......

And....it's important to remember that all of this is being paid by ME. So, cheap is what I can do. Ha ha ha.
I think I may have the dress I want...it's down to two at this point:

The first one is by Jessica McClintock.....I love it. I'll have a little organza jacket over it. It's sooo pretty.

The second one I found on wholesale, it's pretty as well and I wouldn't have to worry about the jacket.

The first dress I absolutely LOVED on me! However, it is $400....kind of a lot more than I wanted to spend on my dress.
The second dress is very pretty and only like $120 wholesale, however I have not tried it on and can only order it online for that price.

Decisions, decisions....

I want this day to be special (as I'm sure it will be in the Temple) but I also want to share it with everyone too..... I want it to be nice.
Any ideas on what wedding dress to choose or how to plan a simple, but nice reception please let me know! :)

A Wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year Too!

2011-01-01T18:35:00.000-08:00

Christmas 2010 was the best Christmas ever! Christmas is probably my favorite holiday of the year, and usually I have a Christmas party the weekend before Thanksgiving where everyone comes over to my house and decorates for Christmas. It's my "Christmas before Thanksgiving party". Unfortunately I did not get to host it this year. Although that made me quite sad, it did not stop me from decorating for Christmas.

James and I put up our tree and lit it up with sparkling multi-function lights. We decorated our tree with my beautiful blue bulbs and ribbon, and added a touch of our own personal decorations as well. James loved the tree because he thought it looked like a "Cowboys" tree, his favorite football team. So although I was unable to have a party, I still enjoyed putting up all my decorations and adding some new additions to my collection as well.

Christmas came and we had James' sister Courtney and her 2 boys come out and stay with us. It was a pretty crazy house but a lot of fun. We had fun making cookies, looking at lights and playing with the boys.

Christmas eve now holds a special place in my heart since that is when James proposed to me....
We were home alone, enjoying the lights of the tree on the couch. James got down on his knee and asked me to Marry him...of course I said yes. He proposed with such a beautiful ring, but I was just happy that marrying him would be a reality.

Christmas Day was so joyful for everyone. The boys woke up early of course to see what Santa had brought them. They had a lot of fun ripping off the wrapping paper to behold their toys they had wanted. I enjoyed listening to them while getting up and ready upstairs. Their excitement in their voices was quite entertaining.

James and I exchanged stockings and gifts and I received amazing gifts from him. Later we joined the rest of James' family for more gifts. There was so much love and joy in the air that I felt swelled with happiness. This was going to be my future family and I was excited.

So, with getting engaged, you can imagine how wonderful it was to start off the new year of 2011 with my fiance and future husband. I'm so excited for what 2011 has to offer.

Bring Back My Bonnie To Me

2010-12-08T19:41:00.000-08:00

So a terrible tragedy has struck among us.....Bonnie, my dear old 1998 Dodge Neon has passed on. She was totaled in a car pile up accident on 11/16/10, may she rest in piece.
I'm so sad to have lost her, she was my first car, but I suppose life has a beginning and an end and it was Bonnie's end.

The Event:
I was driving to work on that Tuesday morning and I was coming to the intersection on Platte ave and Union when the SUV in front of me stopped suddenly, which caused me to slam on my brakes. I didn't have anti-lock brakes so I skidded to a stop, luckily I stopped just in time to NOT hit the SUV in front of me. I was about 1 foot away from them. However, the SUV behind me did not stop in time and reared into me causing me to push into the SUV in front of me. As a result.....Bonnie got the brunt of the damage.

Although Bonnie has passed on, I got to go shopping for a new Vehicle! Here she is! A 2007
Toyota Camry, my new pride and joy. She's a complete upgrade from Bonnie.

Trip to L.A.

2010-10-31T16:16:00.001-07:00

So I realize that I've been absolutely terrible in updating my blog, I guess I've just been so busy...or lazy...depends. There is a lot that has been going on such as me moving down to Colorado Springs for my new job as a case manager for child support. I also got myself into a relationship, ha ha.

The most recent event that's happened though is my trip to L.A. I bouth tickets a few months ago to go to Herbalife Extravaganza 2010 in L.A. with Mallory. It's a big training/convention that Herbalife puts on for all it's distributors. This year it was in L.A. where the company headquarters are. I booked our flights and Mal booked our Motel a few days before our trip. The flight wasn't bad, however I HATE flying.

When we got to L.A. we decided to hit up the beach because we wouldn't be able to check into our motel for a few hours. L.A. City bus transportation was our means of locomotion, so we found our routes and headed to the beach. The beach was beautiful, however, our stomachs were growling so we hit up a restaurant to get some food in our tummies. We came across a nifty looking place that was currently serving breakfast. It was called Scotty's. It was delicious, so good that Mal and I have decided that every time we come to California we're going to hit up Scotty's.

After breakfast it was time to check out the beautiful California beach. We walked up on the pier and gazed at the beauty. Mal loves how the ocean is endless, it just goes on forever. Mal is actually from California and really enjoyed being home. I could tell she missed the California Beaches and the Ocean.

We also went down to the surf to see how cold the water was, it actually wasn't that bad, it kind of felt good. So we played in the sand and in the surf for a little bit. We were having a blast until....terror struck! My phone had dropped into the surf! My poor blackberry storm which I loved so much was now drenched in the Pacific Ocean and the California beach! There was no salvaging it...it was gone forever, no longer working. :-( I was quite depressed.

Aside from my phone ending up in the sea, Mal and I had a blast. The first night of the conference was a recognition night and also a party. We got to mingle and get to know some other nutrition club owners and distributors and listen to their success stories. It was quite motivational.

The next two days were even more inspirational and motivational. The conference was just spectacular overall and I'm really glad we went.
I can't wait for next year's Extravaganza! And I've got myself a goal...President's Team by next year! Yeah Baby!

Lovin that Herbalife!

2010-07-20T21:35:00.001-07:00

So I started the health product Herbalife about a year ago. Mallory introduced me to it. I've been off and on it for this whole year and I've seen some results. The shakes are amazing! But then I decided to do it on a more regular basis.
I've noticed such a huge difference the last 4 months! I don't feel bloated, I feel healthy and energized! I've also lost some body fat and some lbs. I also used it for my triathlon. I really don't think I could have made it through my Triathlon without the products. They really are amazing, and delicious.

Since Mal and I love the products so much we've decided to become distributors (Much like Mary-Kay). Mal and I were invited by our friend Meredith (who introduced us to Herbalife) to go to a huge training in Denver. We took the opportunity and went. It was very informative and got me very excited to promote the products. Down below is us at the training meeting. There was about 40 people there (maybe more). It was a lot of fun.
So this evening Mal and I had our first HOM (Herbalife Opportunity Meeting) with some potential business partners or distributors. I think it went well and I'm really excited for people just to know about the product and realize how amazing it really is. I'll keep updating on the progress of our business. :-)

Summer Projects

2010-07-11T20:00:00.000-07:00

So a couple weeks ago Mallory and I had our last cake decorating class for Level I. We finished our final project in the classroom. It was kind of difficult because the room was so warm that it melted our frosting! That makes it hard to work with. But our final projects turned out pretty ok.
This is my cake.....
I took it to NorthShore and it just so happened to be my boss's birthday (I didn't know), and he thought I had made it for him for his Birthday! HA! So I went along with it. Pink? He asked. I played it off as "I thought it was your color." jokingly of course. But everyone LOVED the cake. I'm excited to do more cakes.
So now Mal and I have started Level II of our cake decorating class. We're working with Fondant and learning how to make all sorts of flowers. Our first class we made pansies. This last class we learned how to make roses, apple blossoms and pin roses. I think they turned out pretty good. It's really fun to learn.

Cake decorating is one of my summer projects I have going on. Another one I'm working on is creating a CSU quilt. After graduation, I gathered up all of my CSU shirts (CSU work shirts and Senate shirts included) and decided that I wanted to make a memory quilt out of all of them. With the help of my dear "adopted family" Kylie Metz and Pola Metz, I get to make the memory quilt a reality. So far we've just cut out squares and picked out fabrics. I think it will be fun. I'll make sure to document my progress.

I'm trying to keep myself busy so finding new projects and learning new skills will be a great new way to discover myself this summer!

Cupcakes and Races

2010-06-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

Each week seems to go by faster and faster. How is it almost July already!?

Although this week flew by, I had a lot of accomplishments this week: they entail cupcakes and races. Mallory and I are taking a cake decorating class this summer. It gives us something to do to keep busy and I'm always wanting to learn new skills. We've been in the class for 3 weeks now. Next week is our last class of the basic lesson, and then we'll start the next 4 week lesson.
This last week we had to make cupcakes and bring them to class to decorate. Mallory and I had a little bit of trouble with our cupcakes. First we tried using a yellow cake mix, but Mallory had added bad eggs and bad oil to the mix and so the mix tasted awful. So we tried another box mix, this time it was a butter cake mix. The mix seemed to taste fine this time, so we put them in the oven. However, every time they came out, they sunk! Turns out the cake mix was expired! Ha ha ha!
So Mallory tried again the next day and brought perfect cupcakes to our class. Down below are my decorated cupcakes! :-) It was fun learning new techniques, I'm not very good, but with practice I'm sure I'll get there!

The other accomplishment this week was running a 5K. It was for my work company Columbine Health Systems. I made Mo run with me, it was a lot of fun. I love running 5K's, especially with my friends!

Ooops!

2010-06-18T20:18:00.000-07:00

So I was looking at my blog and realized that I haven't blogged in forever! Oooops!
I guess I just got so busy the last 6 months that I forgot about blogging! Not to worry, I'm back now. To catch you all up: I graduated in May with my bachelor's in Social Work and a minor in Anthropology. Yay for the $24,000 piece of paper I earned! Ha ha!

I've also started my career. I'm officially a Social Worker at North Shore Health and Rehab in Loveland. I work as an admissions coordinator on the weekends and work as the Mountainview Social Worker for Long Term Care. I love my job, it's just rough...a lot to remember...a lot of responsibility...a lot to do!

I've also been accepted to University of Pennsylvania Grad School Program of Social Policy and Practice. It's a 1 year program where I can get my masters in Social work and Social Policy. I deferred it a year so I could get some work experience, so I'll actually start the program July of 2011. I'm very excited about it. In fact this last week on my visit to PA, I stopped by the campus to check it out. It's beautiful and I think I'll like it. :-)

So far life is going pretty good! Got a Job (and I am very grateful and blessed for it, especially to have a job using my degree), got accepted to UPenn to get my masters degree and it's summer!

The People in My Life

2009-12-29T14:57:00.000-08:00

I love the holidays. I love how they make you reminece about all the good holiday memories. I love how they make you feel thankful for everything in your life. It's too bad though that we don't think of everything we are thankful for on a daily basis. It's sad that it takes the holidays to help us remember how good our lives are.

Although, it is unfortunate that we don't appreciate our lives until the holidays, I'm still glad we have the holidays to remind us. It think it is quite invigorating. This holiday season I've come to the reminder of how lucky and blessed I am for all of the wonderful and marvelous people in my life. I have so many people in my life that care about me and love me. And I just keep thinking, goodness, Heavenly Father must love me more than I'll ever know to put these individuals in my life. Sometimes it's overwhelming to think that he loves me that much; I often think how can he love me that much? Why would he? That's dumb. And I really don't think those are the thoughts Heavenly Father is trying to put in my head, I think the reason He put these people in my life is so that I can have the thoughts of: Wow, He really loves me. I'm worth something, I'm a wonderful person too.

I'm so very thankful that He loves me that much, that He sees that much worth in me. It's incredible to me how Heavenly Father loves us so much that He thinks of the most worthwhile and meaningful ways he can to show us that love. I mean, He puts specific people in our lives and specific times, and they aren't just any people. They are people who astonish and dazzle our Heavenly Father in different ways. And He knows what their capabilities are and how they will help us progress in life and return to Him. I love it.

Pre New Year's Resolution

2009-11-27T18:10:00.001-08:00

So I've decided to set my New Year's resolution early. I figure I should start it as soon as possible to make it count.
So many times I've said I'd eat healthy and work out on a regular basis. Time and time again I would buy the healthy food, eat them for a week and then get lazy and eat something junky, thinking, oh well next week I'll do better. I'd try and I'd fail every time. I'd also be good and go to the gym for a couple of weeks, and then something would come up, or I'd find some excuse to where I no longer exercised or went to the gym for a while. Continuously I would tell myself the next week, or after a certain day I would be better.
Well, I decided to analyze my ways and figure out what I was doing wrong. I had talked to a good friend in the past, he told me it's about a change in lifestyle. It's not a temporary diet, it's a lifestyle. He's very healthy, he eats all the right foods continuously, not just for a short period; he works out on a daily basis and even when he is sick he never finds an excuse. It's become his way of life, and he feels better and more energized. After talking to him, and making fun of his way of life for a while, I've decided he is right. I've decided to stop with the "next time", "well, next week", "I'll do better when..." phrases, I'm just going to change my lifestyle.
So how am I going to do this? Well, I'm changing my eating habits. I've developed a plan. I'm going to eat more vegetables on a daily basis, more fruits, more whole grains, more skim dairy, and less fats and sugars. Everyday, I have to eat some kind of vegetable (carrots, cellary, lettuce, bell peppers, cucumbers etc.,). Now, I'm not a fan of vegetables, but Kerrie makes this fabulous dip for them. I think that if I can just eat the vegetables with the dip, eventually I'll like vegetables by themself and won't need the dip anymore.
I also have to eat at least one serving of fruits everyday, at least an apple, a banana, an orange, something. I also have to have at least some kind of whole grain everyday, which more than likely be cherrios in the morning and a sandwhich on whole grain bread. I'm also going to have a glass of milk a day, and some cheese, cottage cheese or yogurt everyday.
What about those uncontrollable cravings I have? I always get a sweet tooth at night, and usually I would just eat some cookies, or find some kind of sweet, fat snack. Well, I've decided that when I get that sweet tooth, instead of eating my normal snack, I will eat some kind of fruit. I think it might help my sweet tooth and would be a more healthy choice. If I get the craving for chips or something fatty, I'll eat vegetables instead. I'm changing these eating habits that I've noticed, that prevent me from achieving the energy level I want and need, as well as the physical attributes.

So I have the healthy eating part down a little bit, now about the working out. So I've decided I need to do some kind of work out everyday (except for Sundays). A lot of times I run out of time during the day to go to the gym because I'm so busy, and I know my schedule isn't going to be changing soon. So, for the rest of the semester, I'll continue going to my aerobics class that I have Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Every other day, I'll go to the gym for an hour or so. If I can't make it to the gym, I have to take 30 minutes at home and do a work out video I have.
To keep track of this, I'm going to keep a chart. Everyday I work out I'll put a sticker on the chart for that day. Hopefully that will motivate me.

So that is my plan so far. It can still be adjusted, but for now, it sounds pretty good to me. Changing my lifestyle, it feels good.

The best thing about being in your 20's

2009-11-02T22:53:00.000-08:00

Overall, life is good. I often have struggles, but looking around me, looking at what I've accomplished, looking at where I am and where I am going, life is great. I absolutely love this point in my life. In the perfect position right now, I'm in a place where I can do anything I want. I have nothing to tie me down. This is the time in my life where I can do things that I may not ever have the chance of doing again.

This is the time to take all opportunities that come along, don't make regrets, make experiences and learn. Right now I am doing everything I want to do. This is my time, and I am so thankful that I have it. I'm doing what I want and not making excuses. There is no excuse to be made, the decision is mine. I have the power and authority, no one else can control me and my situation. I'm in control and I love it.

I enjoy being single, I enjoy right now not having the responsibility of kids. I enjoy not being tied down to a career right now. All I have is school and my 2 jobs that I love but am not tied down to. I could get up and just move half way across the country right now if I wanted to. I'm graduating in May and I'll have even more freedom to do what I want. This is the best time of my life right now, these are the days I make the most of and the best of. These are the days I will always remember and will have no regrets. It's all a learning experience and I'm loving every minute of it.

Above everything else though, I think what is best about this time in my life, is I know who I am and I love who I am. It makes all the difference when you've done your self discovery and have found out that you are an amazing person and you come to love yourself. You come to see yourself as Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ see you, and you know where you belong. I think after figuring out who you are, everything just seems better and you become more appreciative and open. Your eyes are opened with your heart and you understand better. You end up loving your life more. I think that is the best thing about being in your 20's. At least for me.

Overwhelmed

2009-10-01T13:11:00.000-07:00

So I've been having a really hard time lately. And recently I feel like I'm just going to have a meltdown, I'm so overwhelmed with so many things in my life. Although half of it is my own fault, it's still really tough and I'm not really sure what to do. So if anyone has suggestions, please share them.

This is my senior year, and I've decided to pile it all on. I'm taking 18 credits, still have my 2 jobs (which luckily only add up to 15-25 hours a week), and I've recently decided to take up the roles and responsibilities as ASCSU Senator for the College of Applied Human Sciences, as well as my role as part of the College of Applied Human Sciences Dean's Leadership Council. So those are the things I'm involved in, which is a lot, but that doesn't include my responsibilities in some of my classes. I'm also a TA and group facilitator for one of my classes which is a 3 hour class twice a week. Also for my group organizations and communities class I am in the process of setting up an Informational Discussion Panel on the Health Care Reform. I'm constantly in contact with the Congresswoman of Colorado 4th district, and 2 of the US House of Representatives for Colorado as they will be the educators and participants of this Discussion Panel. It's a lot of work for a project, but I enjoy it. I also am working on my Mock Trial Debate for my Social Welfare Policy class on HIV/AIDS. These projects, mind you, are aside from all of the homework and papers I have due.

So that is just my school life, outside of my school life I have church, I'm the Visiting Teacher District Supervisor aside from all of my own visiting teaching I do every month. I have institute classes with homework in them, and I go to FHE every Monday night and +1 meeting with the missionaries.

As you can see I'm very busy, and the reason why I've decided to pile all of this on is to fill a void in my life. I'm going through some emotional drama. I've been trying to get over Garrett for a while now and I've been doing everything I can think of to get over him. So I've figured that I could just be as busy as I possibly can to forget about him. It works sometimes, but there are a lot of time when I really miss him and I'm confused about what I'm going to do now.

I'm also going through a hard time with figuring out what my next step is in life. I don't like not knowing what I'm doing next or what plan I have. I really wanted to go to nursing school and I have been on the waiting list for a year now to get into Front Range; everything was all set up for me to attend the fall after I graduate CSU. But then I received a letter that pushed it back a whole year because they didn't realize they had so many applicants. So now I'm struggling with what the heck I'm supposed to do now. I could work for a while until I get into the nursing school at Front Range, I could look into other nursing schools (after all nothing is tying me down here anymore), or I could go on a mission.

So as you can see I'm kind of dealing with a lot right now, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to cope with everything, I'm not sure how to feel or what I'm supposed to do. Any suggestions with anything?

Oh, My Silly Life

2009-07-22T07:44:00.000-07:00

So, do I have a story to tell...

I've had a swarm of trials in the last few days. And I've discovered that I get very overwhelmed when it's a collection of issues I have to deal with. I'm fine with dealing with one thing at a time, but when things come all at once or without any breaks to relax and enjoy life, I end up taking it all on at once and become overwhelmed. I'm glad I have such a great friends I can rely on and that are always there for me, ones that don't mind me breaking down on them.

So this last weekend, what was supposed to be an enjoyable weekend at a cabin in Wyoming, ended up being a weekend of misery and distress at a cabin in Wyoming. My allergies were terrible. They ended up being so bad that I became sick. Luckily I had some friends there that took care of me.
It took a few days to recover from my allergies, I still haven't completely recovered, but am 98% better than this past weekend. However, just when I think things are starting to get better, my life decides that it needs more adventure...and I discover that the song "My Bonnie lies over the ocean" has a whole new meaning.

This past Monday, Garrett and I were driving home from playing basketball at the stake center. When we got outside to get into the car, it started to rain a little bit, by the time we got down the street a little ways, it started to rain harder and eventually hail came pouring down on my poor car (Bonnie). We decided to pull off to the side of the road for a little bit to let it pass....however, the storm didn't. It just got continuously worse. As we sat there, I looked down at the ground and it seemed like we were moving even though I had Bonnie in park. Apparently the water was carrying Bonnie, so we decided to go up a hill into a neighborhood and wait under a tree so that the hail wasn't so harsh and we didn't get carried away by the water. We waited for a good 10-15 minutes and found that the storm started to dissipate. As the storm seemed to calm down I figured I would be able to get Bonnie home.

The streets of Fort Collins were very wet and the further we drove, the more intense the storm seemed to become, and the more the streets filled with water. We were about a mile away from my house, when I turned left on Elizabeth, and that is when we practically sunk. Elizabeth had turned into a river...like literally. Bonnie's tires were practically completely under water. Bonnie didn't like the water too much and decided to kill the engine. That's when we realized we weren't going anywhere anytime soon. So there we were in the middle of the street, stuck, waiting for the storm to pass...which it didn't. We waited for probably a little over half an hour and decided to give Bonnie a push. Thank goodness Garrett was there and was able to help me. With a lot of waiting, some pushing and a lot of hope, we got Bonnie back home. What an adventure that was.

Fast forward to yesterday, I figured Bonnie's engine was flooded and thought that if she just dried out she would work again. However, later I found out that that was not the case at all. To add to my stress, we discovered that her piston rod needed to be replaced because of the water that creeped into the engine. "Not a big deal, just need to get the part and replace it", I thought. Oh how silly of me, I was told then that it was better and more efficient to just replace the whole engine at this point. The WHOLE engine! Oh, my poor Bonnie.

And thus, begins my financial adventures once again. Replacing an engine is not cheap by any stretch of the imagination. So at this point I'm waiting for my mechanic to find a used engine that I might be able to afford....however, there doesn't seem to be any used engines in the state of Colorado. I'm also waiting to hear back from my insurance company to see if they could cover me since I have full coverage and it's flood damage. I'm waiting for them to make an appointment with me to look at my car. So I'm crossing my fingers.

On top of all this work is really busy and getting yelled at everyday does not make my life any easier.....

Lucky for me, because I have this silly life, the Lord has also placed many wonderful friends in my life to help me through it. So I feel very blessed for those many people who are here to help, if nothing else for my sanity and emotional support. They are necessary for my silly life.

The Inadequacies of IQ

2009-07-07T19:45:00.000-07:00

So if any of you know me, you know that I'm minoring in Anthropology. I love the study of humans socially and biologically through the evolution of time. The other day I was going through one of the books I had read for my Human Biological Variations course I had my sophmore year. The theme of the that class had to do with race....which makes sense hence the name of the course. The question we were trying to analyze during that whole semester is: what is race and does it matter?
One of the books we read was called "The Mismeasure of Man" by Stephen Gould. This book really caught my amusement and interest as it talks about what intelligence is and ultimately what is race. This book is an argument to the book "The Bell Curve" by Richard J. Herrnstein and Charles Murray, which talks about IQ scores and inborn cognitive limits. In this book the argument is called biological determinism. "Shared behavioral norms, and the social and economic differences between human groups-primarily races, classes, and sexes- arise from inherited, inborn distinctions and that society, in this sense, is an accurate reflection of bilogy. (Gould 1996: 52)"

"The Bell Curve" makes the suggestion that the IQ is an innate variance that everyone has that can determine an individual's intelligence....it does not take into consideration that there are environmental factors that can determine innate intelligence. Gould's book illustrates how this is a propostrous determination, he also explains how the IQ test is a terrible analysis of an individual's intelligence and that it leads to social class differences (even race differences) that are inaccurate and falsely protrayed. How does the IQ test lead to social class differences? It's just a test to see how intelligent right?

IQ is based on a test that was developed by Alfred Binet to determine where a child was educationally and to find out if they need extra help in school. It was not a measure of innate intelligence by any means and it should not be used as such. However, in today’s society the IQ test is now used to measure intelligence of an individual to the extent of getting jobs, determining a position in society, and even in schools as a labeling mechanism. The IQ test gives children and individuals a label that they live with in society which leads to social class differences.

The IQ test is a ridiculous tool to measure one’s intelligence. Environment is a big factor because what we’ve learned affects our intellect and reasoning. Our genes can only code for so much, the environment is what determines if we are to reach our potential for those coded genes. Culture, economics, politics and the physical environment all affect whether we reach our potential or not.

Harebrained Hybrids

2009-06-29T13:26:00.000-07:00

So last Monday I had my first encounter with one of the new Hybrid cars. It was my duty to take Rob to his Softball game on Monday. He had just gotten back from his trip to Ohio and his parents had his van that I usually drive. So to get him to his game we had to use his parents' new Toyota Prius.
Now, I've never been in a hybrid car, but I assumed it worked like every other car, where you put the key in the ignition, shift it to drive or reverse and press on the gas. Ha ha ha....yeah....that's NOT how it works.

So we get into the car and Rob hands me the "key" it just looks like a square block with buttons on it usually used to unlock and lock the door from afar. There was no key coming out of it. I looked at Rob with uncertainty and confusion...what am I supposed to do with this?
He told me it was the transmitter. The car doesn't use a key, it uses the block to transmit a signal to the car so it can turn on.....ok....cool....so how do I turn it on? Apparently there is a power button near the steering wheel....really? a power button?

Hmmm....that seems kind of cool, right? So I press the power button and the green light comes on but I don't hear anything, just the fan comes on and the radio. I try to put it into gear, and nothing happens. Rob suggested I press again, which I did, nothing happened. We played this turning on the power button at least for 15 minutes before deciding to call his sister to ask how to turn on the stupid car. I just wanted to drive and get him to his game, why does this have to be so difficult? So his sister tells me that I have to make sure that all the seatbelts are buckled in and that all the doors are sufficiently shut and all the windows have to be rolled up, and my foot has to be on the break and the e-break has to be off before I can start the car.....WOW, a little unnecessary right? I can understand the e-break and seatbelts, but the windows and my foot on the break, really? So after about 20-30 minutes of trying to figure out how to work this stupid car, we finally got it running and headed off his softball game.

What an experience, it was kind of frustrating. It also didn't help that during the time we were trying to figure out how to start the car it was like 90 degrees outside, and since the windows have to all be up it was really hot and dreadful. So I've come to the conclusion that although Hybrids are supposed to "save" energy and gas, the amount of time and energy that is put into figuring out how it works turning it on really doesn't save you anything. We should all just drive regular cars because these are just harebrained hybrids.

Phone Updates

2009-06-19T15:57:00.000-07:00

So I was looking at my blog and I realized that I really don't post a lot of things. A lot of things happen to me, and then I get in the mood to write about them in my blog but then I get busy and forget and never get around to it. So I was looking through my phone today and I was looking at all the pictures and videos I have on it. That's when I remembered everything I was going to write about at one time but never got around to it. So I'm just going to go through my phone in bulk and write about the different things that have been going on. I'll call this my "Phone Update".

So the first thing I'll write about is what happened when my best friend from PA came out to visit me. We had a lot of fun, a really busy week for me though. She came out the week right after I finished finals. It was her first time anywhere not on the East Coast, so it was quite different for her. The first day she was here we just chilled out and she came to Family Home Evening (FHE) with me. The next day I had Jury Duty, but afterwards we went and hung out at the pool. Wednesday we went to Centerra and went shopping for a while, we also hiked horsetooth that day. It was her first real hike. She was exhausted. Haha ha ha, lack of air for her.

Then we headed down to Denver and I showed her around the city. We hung out a lot downtown. There is a lot of abstract art around downtown so we look at all of it and then we even ran into Rocky the Colorado Nuggets' mascot. There was a convention downtown to win Playoffs nuggets game tickets.

After our full day in Denver, we went clubbing at suite 152. I'm not really clubber, in fact it was my first time. But suprisingly, I had a lot of fun. It was latino night so they played fun good music and I think it helped going with the right kind of friends. So I think Amanda's stay was very exciting and thrilling for the both of us. I wish she could have stayed longer.

Looking through my phone I also noticed that I didn't blog about my fishing experience with Rob. Rob is a client I work with on the weekends. I'm a direct care provider for him because he has Cerebral Palsey and is in a Wheel Chair. He is loads of fun, we do a lot of activities together. This one day I worked with him in particular he wanted to fix his fishing rods, so we went out in front of his apartment to a grassy area nex to the parking lot. We spent about half an hour trying to fix his rods and fishing lines. Finally we did it, he wanted to test it out so he reeled it back and the line ended up going in the parking lot and hit one of the cars. He thought it was hilarious. So for the rest of the time together we fished for cars. Below is a video of him catching his own car. Ha ha ha. I told him next time he needs to catch me a good car like a Mustang or Ferrari.

Now, most recently....last weekend, it was "Taste of Fort Collins". This event is huge during the summer, we have a bunch of bands come and perform and rides for the kids, they have a market where all the fancy (and not fancy) restaurants let you try their foods for a low price. There are some free samples like a farmers market and really just a lot of local activities and shops to explore. It's really fun. Last year I went with Mallory and Jon Hummer. This year, Jon was out of town, so I went with Mallory and our friend Adrian (Ade). It was a lot of fun.
This year Sugar Ray and the Gin Blossoms and Single File played. I was right up front by the stage to see the performances.
I was surprised with the Single Ray performance. I'm not really a Sugar Ray fan, but I was pleasantly surprised by how he presented himself and how he performed. It wasn't like any other concert I've been to. He tried to make the audience get involved as much as possible and made it feel like he really wanted to be there. He also didn't just perform one song after the other, there was some DJ mixing in there and he even had people go on stage and do Karaoke with him. It was pretty awesome.

So that is pretty much all for my phone update for now!

My More Active Lifestyle

2009-06-18T13:58:00.000-07:00

So this Summer I decided to take a more active lifestyle, for two reasons. The first reason is to be more in shape of course, the second reason is to keep myself busy cause I tend to get bored during the summer. So in this new active lifestyle I've become more involved in sports and running. I'm learning new sports and trying to play on a somewhat organized team for fun. So I've been practicing basketball and softball right now, on top of my ice skating that I've been doing since January.

As it turns out, I'm terrible at basketball and softball. I'm not good at shooting hoops and catching the ball in basketball, and I'm not very good at batting, catching or throwing in softball. This has been very discouraging and I've felt like giving up. However, I've decided that would be silly of me to give up these sports just because I've never really played them before and it would be silly of me to expect to be great at them with the little experience I have with them. So I'm determined to practice and get better at them.

I've also discovered that along with this determination in practicing and increasing my skill in these sports that it is package deal with injuries. So far my injuries have consisted of a concussion from ice skating and a hurt elbow, bruised legs, sprained ankles, and twisted arms. I've come to the conclusion that becoming good at sports come with this territory and I should just get used to having these injuries. Good thing I have health insurance!

16 Hours of Relaxation

2009-06-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

From this last Friday at 11pm to Saturday at 2pm I had the most relaxing time. It has been a VERY long time since I've felt so relaxed and at peace. It was amazing. It was something I really needed. I've been so high strung, busy and stressed that I probably would have exploded soon.

Water has always calmed me. The sound of rain, the sound of a waterfall, but most of all being out on the lake or the ocean. Boats are so soothing to me. I just feel like I'm so far from all of my stress and my life in general. It helps me take a step back and just clear my mind and rejuvinate my body.

One day I'll be able to own my own boat and not have to rely on my good friend Aaron. He was explaining to me about how much speed boats run, they are about the same as a new car, depending on the kind of boat. I think I'm going to start learning more about boats. Maybe I'll start up a boat fund. ha ha ha. I have so many other funds, why not?

Today I started looking at power boats and speed boats. I've come across the one I really want I think. Here is a picture of it.

Isn't it pretty? It is called a Supra Gravity 24 SSV. It has 340 HP and holds up to 16 people. AWESOME. This is now my dream boat. SOOOO PRETTY.

One day you'll find me out on the lake or ocean just chillaxing on this pretty baby. Oh yeah.....be jealous.

It'll be a while before I can afford it...I'm still in school....but even if I don't get my dream boat here, I will get a boat. It's the one thing I know that relaxes me. The material item in life that I'd really like to have. So one day, my 16 hours of relaxation won't be so limited.

The Duties of the Citizen

2009-05-19T11:03:00.001-07:00

So I have to tell you the truth....I never expected to get called for Jury Duty. I feel like I was called on the worst day too. Amanda is here to visit me for a week, and I was called for Jury Duty today, the second day Amanda is in town. But I have no excuse, so I sat in the courtroom for 4 hours while the judge and the attourneys questioned us so that they could find the most fair and impartial jurors for the case.
So I have never been called for Jury Duty, I'm a first timer. So I head to the court building, they tell us not to park in the 2 hour parking spots or we will be towed because we will be there longer for 2 hours. They tell us we can park where the court structure is but we have to pay. So I'm driving down there and all of the parking spots are 2 hour parking! Where do they expect me to park? So I park about 3 blocks away from the building in a neighborhood.
Then I get into the building but of course this is my first time and I have no idea where to go so I ask the guard for directions and he tells me where the jurors assemble. When we get to the assembly room I had to fill out a form and then take a juror badge. We sat in a room for about half an hour before the Jury Commissioner came into to welcome us. It was very brief and then she turned on a video. So for about an hour we watched a video about how to be the best juror and what our duties were. The movie was interesting I must admit, and in a way helpful in understanding my role as a juror.

After the video we sat in the room for another half an hour, finally the bailiff came in and walked us to the court room. The courtroom wasn't really what I expected, it was a lot smaller, but I guess that's hollywood for you, it continually disappoints you. We all piled in on the benches in the back of the courtroom where prospectors could sit. They explained to us that they would call us up in groups and ask us questions to determine who would be on the jury. Before we seperated into groups they asked the whole group if any of us felt that we could not be on the jury. So many people lined up. Apparently everyone felt they couldn't be there. I stayed sitting down cause there was no point. For an hour and a half each person in line had to present their reasons to the judge and attornies. Only about half of them were legitimately excused.

Finally the first group was called to the jury box and the judge and attorney took turns asking us all questions. It took about two hours with a 15 minute break included. There were a lot of questions they asked us. It wasn't too bad. I found it kind of interesting.

Again they asked us if we would be willing to be on the jury and then they told us this court case would last up to 4 days. That's 4 week days from 8am to 5pm in a boring courtroom! Ridiculous! All the case was was a car accident. silly. I hoped that I wouldn't be called on the jury or poor Amanda would be bored and lonely!
After the hours of questioning, they called my name and told me I would not be on the jury because my stepmom worked for the company that was suing. Thank goodness! I was very grateful to not have to stay there. However, I think that if Amanda had not been in town I would have wanted to stay and provide my civic duties, it was actually pretty interesting and a good experience.

Mothers

2009-05-10T17:01:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day! Since this is the day to celebrate mothers, my blog today is of the appropriate topic.

Today at church I wonderful talk was given in sacrament meeting about Mothers. My good friend Shelby gave the talk. It was a talk that really touched me and changed my perspective. A lot of the time growing up my mother and I did not get along. Sometimes we still don't and it made it hard to see the positives about being a mother. Today my perspective changed. Shelby talked about the "Attitude of Gratitude" that President Monson talks about. He said "Mother, who willingly made that personal journey into the valley of the shadow of death to take us by the hand and introduce us to birth—even to mortal life—deserves our undying gratitude. One writer summed up our love for mother when he declared, 'God could not be everywhere, and so He gave us mothers.' "

I thought that was an amazing quote about mothers. It explains why the role of motherhood is so important. Although my mother and I have had our moments where we don't get along, she still is an important person in my life. Without her I would not be here on this earth. Today I decided to have the attitude of gratitude about my mother. I made a list of everything positive she has taught me and has done for me:

To My Mother:

The first most important thing my mother has done for me was bring me into this world. It takes a strong and loving mother to bring a child into the world. It's amazing how wonderful of a person my mother must have been in the pre-mortal life for God to trust her with his children.

My mother also raised me the best she knew how. What a strong woman she is for having raised 3 children under such low circumstances.

I'm grateful to my mother for all of the qualities and skills she's taught me. She's taught me how to love and care for those around me, even for strangers I do not know. She's taught me that reaching out and serving others is important. It is such a Christ-like attribute and I'm glad to have learned it from her. I've also learned how to have determination and to set goals. I've learned that although the road get's bumpy, I'll get to my destination if I have faith.

I've also learned how to be independent and to fend for myself. Having independence makes you a stronger person and gives you the ability to help others who are in need. However, she's also taught me that no matter how independent I become, I still will always need to rely on the Lord.

I've learned so many things from my mother and I'm so blessed to have her in my life. She is a beautiful daughter of God and I'm thankful to be her daughter.

To All Mothers:

To all of you beautiful daughters of God out there who have the opportunity to be a mother right now in your life, You are a special gift on this Earth. The world would not be here without you. You are our teachers, leaders, friends, and most importantly the women in our lives who could not love us more on this Earth. The role you hold on this Earth is the most important role that helps lead all of God's children to salvation. We thank you for all of your love, support and duties.

Happy Mother's Day!

Life is Eventful

2009-05-06T09:08:00.000-07:00

The other day I had some time available to catch myself up with some of my friends and their lives. Blogging is amazing. So many of my friends from Pennsylvania and here in Colorado have so many things going on. Their lives seem so eventful, they always have something to post, something they are getting ready for and are excited about, something they are enjoying.

Many of my friends are getting married, or have just gotten married and are starting their lives together. Another big portion of my friends are having children and expanding their families. It seems like everyone's life is busy and eventful and that they are looking toward something.

Looking at my life, the only thing I have to look forward to right now is graduating and that is still a year away. I feel like my life isn't very eventful, I feel like there is no exciting news to talk about, no updates that people want to know about. The update in my life right now is that I have finals week next week and I'll be finished with my Junior year in College.

I guess I'm just waiting for the day when I have something to update others' on, something eventful and exciting. All I really have to look forward to is graduating next year, the increase in student tuition and fees due to the economy next year, rising need for student loans, working this summer to pay off my car, and hopefully starting a softball team this summer. Looking at all of those things to look forward to, it doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun (except maybe the softball team!).

Taken Over by the Fear

2009-04-22T15:20:00.000-07:00

The dictionary describes Fear as: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

Everyone has fear. Some people fear spiders, some people fear snakes, some people fear death and some people fear love. As I look at all of these types of fears, one thing that seems to be related to all of them is one main fear. Fear of getting hurt, whether that be physically, mentally, spiritually or emotionally. Why do we fear hurt and pain? Why aren't we willing to go through the pain to feel the good or to learn a less for us to become better people?

My question is, is it worth it? What will we get out of feeling pain? How is it more beneficial for us. I think that's what we are concerned about. We can't see how it can turn out good. We can't see past the pain. And perhaps we can't trust. We can't trust others or we can't trust in what will happen. Perhaps we're scared of the unknown or disappointment. Or sometimes we think we know what will happen are tricked by our brain into not going into something good because of a past experience. Perhaps are fear originates in our brain. I don't think it originates in our hearts because our hearts are true and know exactly what we need. Our brain sometimes strays from our heart and that's when the fear begins.

When our fear begins, if we're not careful, we could be taken over and not listen to our hearts. Our hearts could be forgotten. That's how I feel sometimes.
I think Lilly Allen explains this feeling well:

I don't know what's right and what's real anymore
I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear?
'Cuz I'm being taken over by The Fear

-The Fear
Lilly Allen

Love

2009-03-02T08:04:00.000-08:00

Why does it hurt so much? Why does your heart physically ache when you lose someone you love? Why can't getting over someone be easy?
How does happen? How do you fall in love with someone you never thought you would? How do you end up loving someone so much that you didn't think it was possible to love someone that much? How do you stop thinking about that person? How do you make the pain go away? How do you get over someone?

Our senses that connect us to our memories

2009-02-19T22:41:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how much our senses interpret and how far back our brain can access. Everything seems to be connected. Our senses are what help us determine, make and find memories. To me, scent and sound seem to be the most potent for me to access certain memories.

Today I heard the song "Come in with the Rain" by Taylor Swift, the sounds of that song and the lyrics brought the scent of rain to my brain. It sounds weird, I know, but I could smell rain when I heard the song. With the song and the smell of rain lingering, a memory was brought back to my thoughts. It's nothing significant but it's something that I remember about my life.

When I lived with my mom, sister and brother in Colorado Springs I had my own room for a couple of years. I think I was 14, or around that age. During the spring and summer time the rain would come often. I remember laying in my bed at night which was next to the window and keeping my window open just a crack so I could smell the rain. I would lay there on my stomach, as close to the window as I could get. I would look up at the dark sky or just close my eyes and listen to the rain. It was calming to me I think. I really enjoyed the way the rain sounded at night and smelled; I loved how I could hear it tap on my window asking if I could come out and play in it.

From what I remember, I also remember crying during those times when I listened to the rain at night. Life was hard back then, real hard, and I didn't cry very often, but when I did cry I remember it being in the times when the rain would fall. Maybe I thought the rain would wash away my tears and all that bad things that had happened or all the things that I was upset about. Perhaps that is why it is so calming. The rain would just calm me down during that time in my life.....
Sometimes I miss those times.

Everything You Want

2009-02-04T07:54:00.000-08:00

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

[Chorus]
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

[Chorus]

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

[Chorus]
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know

The Holiday of Love is Just Around the Corner

2009-02-02T07:44:00.000-08:00

So as we all know, Valentine's Day is just a couple weeks away. It seems that many people have been asking me what they should do for their secret valentine/significant other etc. I've also had a conversation on the point and reason for Valentine's Day. So first I will enlighten you on why Valentine's Day seems to be important to society and other people.
Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate your love for someone else, to show someone that you care about them and think about them or just to show that you like someone in general. It’s a special day, it’s a day to help someone in your life feel loved and cared about, like they matter in the world. Now…you may ask, shouldn’t that be everyday? And my answer to you is YES, it SHOULD be everyday, but the fact is, is that it’s not. Society (well Hallmark if you want to get technical, but mostly society since they follow through with it) has chosen February 14th as the day to celebrate love. Now, you could choose a different day to celebrate love, it doesn’t have to be February 14th. In fact, in your life you could make it everyday as it should be. You could let someone know you love them or care about them or like them in a special way any day and every day. It’s more special for that person when it’s not just on Valentine’s Day but just any random day that you are thinking about them.
Now, as far as what to do for your secret crush/significant other or anyone you care about……the first suggestion I have for you is to be creative. Open your mind to different possibilities, think outside the box. Another suggestions I have is to not spend a lot of money, at least not on silly boxes of chocolates and stuffed bears (flowers it’s ok
:-P). Instead make something for her/him, something meaningful. Find out their favorite colors, get to know that person intimately and show them what you know about them and what you like about them. You could plan picnics, decorate their car or room, send them little notes in places you know they’ll be, the list goes on and you don’t have to spend a lot of money. The key is to be creative and thoughtful. That’s how you REALLY show you care about someone or like the.
As a side note, this doesn’t have to be just for Valentine’s Day either. Hopefully these tips will help ya’ll.

The Good Kid

2009-01-07T10:09:00.000-08:00

I think the worst family member to be is being the good kid. The good kid is the one who is always invisible in the family. It's different if you are an only child and are the good kid, but being the good kid among the rest of the siblings in the family is difficult and very unfair.

Us good kids are expected to be the good kid. These expectations are reasonable to an extent but they are unfair if no one else is expected of them as well. Everyone should have the same expectations, that's what equality is right? Parents are supposed to have equal love for their children, so why do they get unequal expectations?

This brings me to the theory that there is no way in the world Parents love their children all the same. It's impossible. Secretly, unknowningly or unwantingly, parents do not love all of their children the same, there is always more love to one sibling than another. If they did love their children the same, expectations would be the same, praises would be the same and discipline would be the same. Not to say that each expectation, praise and discipline has to be identical for each child, but they need to all be on the same level. Unfortunately no matter how hard you try, they are not. This is why it is no fun to be the good kid.

Our expectations are set, and we receive a lower level of praise than do our siblings who are the "trouble makers" or who have a hard time with certain things. Their expectations are set lower, so that if they exceed a certain expectation they are praised very highly for it. The good child's expectation is at a higher bar, so high that it's nearly impossible for us to exceed that expectation, which leaves no room for praise, or at least not the same level of praise as the other siblings.

It's interesting however, when the good child doesn't live up to the high bar that their parents set for them, whether making a wrong choice, not doing as well as they thought they could, etc. It seems when we don't live up to par like we're counted on, our repercussions are more severe than when the other sibling with lower expectations doesn't live up to them.

Parents think that just because the good child does what they are supposed to do and are successful, they don't need to be praised, they don't need to worry about us, they expect us to do well without anything. FYI to the parents: they need positive attention as much as the not so well behaved children. Some of the good children are doing well and obey for multiple reasons, one of them being the need for attention and approval from their family. Unfortunately we don't get that attention unless we do something wrong, and then that attention is not positive, but negative.

There is a positive aspect of being the good kid. Although we do not receive the attention we deserve, if we look at things in the long run, we will be very successful and can lead better lives, we can be happier in our positive and successful lives. There are things in life that are in store for us, so we need to keep looking forward. We should continue to be invisible so we can have a better life for the future.

Welcome 2009

2009-01-03T16:43:00.000-08:00

It's a new year, Welcome year 2009!

Now that I've just gotten used to writing the year 2008 on all of my papers for classes and my journal entries, It's time to change. Now I have to get used to writing 2009 on my papers, this will take some time. I'll have to erase the date many times and start all over again. I'll forget a lot to write down 2009 instead of 2008, and I know that when I use pen I'll have to somehow artistically transform an 8 into a 9. I've been able to change the 7 to the 8, but I think the 8 to a 9 will be a little more tricky.

The point of the new year is not just having to get used to the change in writing the date down, it's about change in our lives and getting used to that change. I've written previously about my feelings towards change, however this time I won't rant about how much I despise change. I'm excited for change this year, it's time to better myself and look forward to life. Like I've said before, change is necessary for growth.

Of course I have a list of things I'd like to accomplish this year, just like every other year. But this time I have a plan to go along with these new year resolutions. I've carefully written out a plan and guide on how I will be able to stick to accomplishing these resolutions. It's not a huge elaborate plan, my plan consists of little steps to accomplish to lead up to the success of the change. I find that if we take baby steps, daily steps, this is the best way to achieve goals.

So here I am taking little steps to the year 2009! Bring it on 2009!

All you need is Faith, Trust and a Little Bit of Pixie Dust

2008-12-23T14:01:00.001-08:00

Relationships aren't magic. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is: a friendship, kinship, or even a romantic relationship, it doesn't just happen. These take time and effort of all recipients. What kind of effort? The foundation that a relationship should be built upon is Faith and Trust. From that foundation, other building blocks are needed to help form that structure. But I'm just going to talk about the foundation because it seems that many people are lacking this sturdy foundation in their lives no matter if it's a friendship or more.

First of all, as part of a disclosure that no one tells you about life, pain and hurt is inevitable. Experiencing pain and hurt is part of life, it's how we grow and learn. Life is also about making mistakes. No one is perfect and I must say that it would be quite boring around here if everyone was. One of the greatest gifts we've been giving here on earth besides life, is the ability to make choices and make mistakes. We have our free agency which gives us the ability to learn. The beauty of life is that we are made to make mistakes, but we can learn from them and not make that mistake again.

After being aware of this, you have to make the choice to trust others, knowing that you will leave yourself vulnerable to pain and hurt. If you can't trust others, how can anyone trust you? How can you have a real serious relationship without trust? If a relationship doesn't start out with this foundation, it will never be successful. This is true for every relationship, friendship, kinship etc,.

Once a trust is formed, faith can occur. Faith in the person and faith in the relationship. Faith is a hope for things that can become true. If you believe that certain things can develop from the relationship, then they will. It's a confidence in the relationship. Just like a person with confidence in themselves can help them bloom into someone very special, it applies for a relationship. We need to have confidence in the relationship if we want it to grow and bloom into something special and worth having.

After these foundations have been laid, the rest of the bricks will fall into place. It's not necessarily pixie dust or magic, it's something you work at too. But it's a lot easier to lay down those bricks once you have the foundation.

The Snowball of Change

2008-12-17T15:54:00.000-08:00

It's so interesting how one change in your life affects many different aspects of your life. Some little tiny change can affect how you perceive yourself or how others see you, this can influence actions and further decisions with interactions. I call this the Snowball of Change Effect. It doesn't matter how small of a change it is, it seems to change almost everything else in your life. These changes can be good or bad depending on how you look at them.

Change is something I've never been very adept at dealing with whether it be a good change or not. It's one of the challenges in my life that I have to work on. And it may be quite strange to not like acceptable and favorable changes, but I don't like change. I suppose you can call me just a follower of the world, because the world doesn't seem to like change sometimes. We like to be comfortable, we like routine.

It's hard to get used to a change, it disrupts our ordinary lives and makes us question. But most of all I think it frightens us that we will perceived differently by others and will be less acceptable to the world of routine and normality. Everyone wants to feel accepted, and if you don't then you are a liar. We were made this way, to want to fit in, to want to belong. We need companions and friends by our sides, we can't make it through this life with out them. We desire them and most of all, we need them.

This is why it is so hard for us to deal with change. It challenges our position in society and our friends. This is what I'm mostly afraid of. I feel that if I make one little change, whether that be in my appearance, a word or an action, I will be perceived differently, and mostly negatively. I'm scared to lose those connections and relationships I have because they do not like what they see anymore. I fear that I won't be loved or cared about anymore. Just one little change makes the difference.

I'm just a girl

2008-12-07T14:51:00.000-08:00

There are times when I feel that being a female is a curse. Sometimes I hate being female and would rather be male. Sure us females are able to do a lot of things, and some things that males can't, but I feel that we also get shafted.
Today I was weighing out the pros and cons of being a woman versus being a man. Unfortunately the con side won. The major ones that stood out to me as I was looking over the con side of my list are: 1) As women we have to rely on men to do things we can't physically do ourselves, or that they have more knowledge in. AND 2) It's ok for men to spend a lot of time with a girl that's a "friend" even if he has a girlfriend, but it's not ok for the woman to have a good guy "friend" if she has a boyfriend (this one is just from my observations and experience. Now, there are many other cons I found as well, but these two were ones that really frustrated me.

I'm a very independent person, I feel that I have the ability to do a lot of things on my own if not most things. I don't like having to rely on others for anything whether that be car trouble, helping me hang up shelves because I don't have the tools necessary, or lifting things I don't have the strength for. So I absolutely hate it when I have to ask a man, or anyone for that matter for help with something that I failed to develop skills in. I feel like I have to rely more on men than they have to rely on me. In fact I don't know when they ever have to rely on me.

Now, I'm not trying to sound feminist and sexist here, but I'm just trying to express how I feel sometimes when I am unable to do the things I want, and how unhappy I am when I have to rely on others. Why can't I be able to do everything?
Why can't I walk the streets late at night? Why can't I play pro football or hockey? Why do I have to worry about being abducted and raped? Why do I have to be careful?
In the words of No Doubt: "I'm just a girl in the world...
That's all that you'll let me be!"

An Early Aunt

2008-12-03T23:20:00.000-08:00

I'm an Aunt! This is my first time being an Aunt. Now you can call me Aunt Tabi (actually please don't unless you're my nephew). So here he is my first nephew: Kevan Harvey-Lee Wiseman, Born December 3rd 2008, 6 lbs 10 ounces, 20.5 inches long.
Isn't he adorable?
I wasn't sure how I felt about being an aunt. I'm not even 21 yet and my sister is 2 years younger than me. I felt that things were going opposite than they were supposed to. I'm the one that was supposed to have the baby first, I'm the oldest, I'm supposed to be the one ahead. That doesn't mean I want that all right now, that's like 5-10 years down the road. But my sister is only 18. It's was just weird. But now that he's actually born, it might be fun to be an aunt.
My sister is on the track she is on and nothing I can do can change that. So I should just continue on my path and wish her the best of luck.
Besides.....I'm an Aunt!

The Hand-me-down

2008-12-02T20:25:00.000-08:00

It's hard to be the hand-me-down. The hand-me-down will always be the one that is convenient or the one that fits at that moment, but it'll never be the one that the person really wants. Sure, the hand-me-down may have a great personality, may look beautiful or handsome and may even be lots of fun to be around, but after all is said and done, the person will always want something new. Whether that something new is an old piece of fabric that was never forgotten and is always missed, or whether there is a new style and the person wants something different.
Soon the hand-me-down will be passed down once again to another person who needs something that will fit for the moment.
The poor hand-me-down never gets any real love. It may be liked and satisfactory, but never loved. The person may say that they love the hand-me-down because it's expected (especially if it was from a relative). But just because it's been said, doesn't mean it's true. The hand-me-down knows the truth, it can feel the truth through the person. Even after years of being loyal piece of clothing to the person, the person only sees the cloth as old and is secretly hoping for some new clothing, or for a new piece of clothing that is more in style or carries more memories for that person.
So this brings me to the question, when will the hand-me-down get it's chance to be loved, really loved and wanted, when will the hand-me-down be in style?

Matchbox Twenty: Hand-Me-Down

Happy Politically Correct Holidays

2008-11-19T07:08:00.000-08:00

So Today I was in the office and the music was playing on our little boom box. It was playing waltz and music from Mozart. I sat down at my desk and asked my co-worker when we start playing Christmas music in here. I should have known the answer. She laughed a little bit and told me that we're not allowed to play Christmas music here. "Do we decorate???" I asked. "We do decorate, yes, we put up a Christmas tree and some ornaments and some lights."
I thought that was pretty interesting. So we put up christmas decorations, but we can't play christmas music. To me, that makes no sense what so ever. My co-worker told me "We try to be politically correct, try to make the ground her neutral for everyone". Again I laughed, "There's no such thing as politically correct. It helps no one and does nothing." And it doesn't. How is putting up christmas decorations makeing it neutral? How is not putting on Christmas music making it neutral?
I understand tryig to respect everyone's beliefs but no matter how hard you try, you can't. You can't please everyone. I believe everyone's beliefs are important, but we're in America, we celebrate christmas. Christmas isn't even celebrated the way it was intended for anways. It's not about Christ anymore, it's about Santa Clause, Christmas decorations, gifts and more importantly it's about family anymore these days. If you were to go to any other country, you would see their traditions of this time of year (if they have any) up all over the place without regards to others' religions. So why are we any different? Because we're a "melting pot" or "salad bowl" country. Guess what, we're really not. We have certain traditions in America. People realize that. I don't know of anyone who would be offended if we put on Christmas music and a Christmas tree in our office. They do it at Walmart and other stores? How are we any different?
If you don't celebrate Christmas, that's fine, but everyone else does. It's how our country is, let us celebrate this season how we celebrate it, and if you have an issue with it, let us know.
But this politically correct stuff is junk.

Mawwiage, Mawwiage, My Wealization

2008-10-29T07:18:00.000-07:00

It’s interesting how the spirit can give you insights that you had resistance too before and change your heart and mind. That’s what really changes a person, when the spirit gives you a different perspective on things and softens your heart enough for you to look at them and realize you need and want to change. After hearing Elder Bednar, Elder Hafen and Elder Callister speak on Saturday and Sunday, I’ve been lost in thought. My perspectives on certain things have changed and after talking with a few friends, my heart has changed and my eyes have opened a little more.
One of the biggest changes of perspective that I’ve had is on Marriage. I have so many dreams that I want to accomplish. And I’ve always felt that the only way to accomplish them is to not get married until after I accomplish them. The reason why I felt that way is because of my parents. My mom always used to tell me that she wished she could have gone further in life and that she would have if I hadn’t been born when I was. There was truth to it, we struggled financially a lot in our family which made everything else harder and more stressful on my mom. And I could see that in her, her marriage led to having children which postponed her dreams for a VERY long time. I didn’t want that. I have this dream and picture in my head that my family will be financially stable and that we won’t have to struggle a lot to survive. I realize that nothing is perfect and there will be times of struggle financially, but I don’t want my family to have to live the way I did. In order to accomplish this, I need to have a degree, I need to have a jumpstart on my career and save money. Then I can get married to someone who is as far ahead in life as I would be.
I was very stern in this idea until this last weekend when the spirit touched me in a way I cannot describe. I’ve come to the realization that if I were to just wait for marriage and avoid marriage until after I graduate in any degree I had and until after I established my career and until after I established financial stability in my own definition, then I may never be able to get married, or I’d pass up opportunities that the Lord wants me to have. Not only that but I realized that I can accomplish my dreams even with me being married.
I talked to my friend Dane and he helped me realize that with these dreams I have it is ok to get married while I’m in the process of accomplishing them. And that I shouldn’t put off marriage just to wait for someone who can support me. As a wife, I should be able to support my husband first and then once he starts his career, he can support me. This is a 2 way street, and it doesn’t have to be all about the husband supporting the wife all of the time.
So my priorities have changed. I feel ready to get married, I’m not afraid of it anymore, and I look forward to it. I want to find someone that I can help support in many different ways, including financially. I’m only a year and a half of graduating with my bachelor’s degree. Then I can start working, and if my husband wants to go to school then I can support him through school. Once he gets out of school we can support each other. We can be equally yoked.
My mother was wrong, marriage and family doesn’t ruin opportunities or dreams, it creates them.

The World's Developmental Disability

2008-09-27T15:25:00.000-07:00

The world's view about many things is distressful and in most cases uncivil. The US has the most issues with uncivility. We talk about equality, freedom and justice, and how important these values are to us; yet, no one is willing to act upon these values. We want equality for men and women, for races, we want freedom of speech, freedom of vote, freedom to choose, we want justice for the weak, for the honest, for the wronged. However, when it all comes down to it, individually we don't give equality to the men and women. Both sexes criticize each other and treat each other with disrespect and inequality. Individually we don't give equality to races or people of ethnic value. There are still groups that fight against the minority ethnic groups, there are still people who think that a black man is not a man, but something else. Individually we ignore those and supress those who speak out on what they believe in. Mostly in the media, talk about God is prohibited, it is shunned or looked down upon. Individually we don't give justice to those who are honest or have been wronged. And what about the weak? Who are considered weak anyway?
We think the weak are the poor or those who don't or can't speak out for themselves. Do we just consider women and children the weak ones based off of statistics? What about the disabled, the lowly of heart, the honest? Are they considered weak? Do they receive justice?
It seems to me that the world disregards those who are disabled. Why? Maybe because they really are weak, maybe because some don't look like everyone else, maybe because they can't do things everyone else can. And for these reasons, the world, the US, society looks down upon them and discriminates against them. The world has a problem with seeing the "different" as apart of the rest of society, as a human being. I put "different" in quotation marks because only the world sees them as different. They are the same as everyone else. They have a brain, a body, a heart, a personality. They have outsides and insides. They are human too.
The only thing that sets them apart is their developmental disability. They aren't able to do everything an average white male can do. And just because of that, society says they aren't human.
I think society needs to take a look at themselves, because they are the one with the developmental disability. The disablity of seeing someone as who they are, not by their differences.

Opressed Women

2008-09-26T15:44:00.001-07:00

In my Human Behavior in the Social Environment class (SOWK 233) we are discussing the issues of minorities in the Social Environment; how society views minorities and how minorities deal with society. Yesterday our professor took us outside and had the class stand in a huge circle. We were then told to go in the middle of the circle when he calls out a name of a group that we identify with, such as people of color, GLBT, parents are divorced etc. The very first group he called were Women. I stepped into the middle of the circle along with all the other girls in my class. We faced the outside of the circle as he spoke of the views of society towards women.

He talked about how women are viewed as weak, lowly of heart, succumbed to violence and discrimination. He talked about how the reason women are more likely to be victims of batterers, violence, and discrimination, including discrimination in the work place. Even though the feminist movement gave women more rights, there are still so many things we're deprived of, especially equality and respect. It's amazing how many people, both men and women, believe that it's still ok to treat women with disrespect, to hurt them physically, mentally and emotionally. So many women are ok with this because they think that's how it is, and since they have no power there is nothing they can do about it. Men think that because they are stronger and hold more power in society that they can treat women however they want, that women should have no power. Society still believes that a woman still has a certain "place" in life. I think that even today those who claim that they don't believe women have a certain place in life and are women equality unconsciously, without meaning to address or act upon that belief.

I believe I am a witness to this thought that people unconsciously act upon the inequality view of women even if they believe in the equality and respect of women: Just yesterday my friend came to my house to do his homework with me. Sometimes we like to make fun of each other just for fun, after all we're good friends as. And friends like to joke around with each other. So yesterday we were kind of playing around and making fun of each other, however he started saying some things that caught my attention and made me think for a minute. He had said similar things to me before but I never noticed them like I noticed them now, and what they meant. One particular moment yesterday we were discussing how whenever I make fun of him for hanging out with one of his friends (who is a girl) he gets upset with me. The things I say are things like "How's your girlfriend?" or "are you guys going to make out now?" He gets upset with me when I say those things because he doesn't like the girl romantically. However, the same situation applies to him. Whenever I hang out with my guy friends he says the exact same kinds of things to me, but tells me that I'm not allowed to get mad about it. I asked him why that is. His reply were things like "because I'm stronger than you" or "because I'm smarter than you". Those words made me question why he would say those particular remarks. He doesn't think that girls should be treated with disrespect, he doesn't believe in violence against women either. But still, he alludes to inequality of women when he jokes around.
This made me come to a drafted theory that maybe no matter who you are, woman or man, if you believe in woman equality or you don't, that unconsciously we infer or indirectly indicate that women should be a minority and should not have the same rights and privileges simply because the fact that they are a woman. Oppression of women has always occurred in history, and no matter what we do, it will continue to occur.

The solution

2008-02-07T11:25:00.000-08:00

So I think I've found the solution to my problem. All this time I've been blaming Garrett for our relationship problems, but its all really my fault. I shouldn't have opened up my feelings to him in the first place. I should have just stayed emotionally away from him like I had in the beginning. I need to detach myself from him. Then everyone wins. I won't feel like a muck and get my heart hurt again, and he doesn't have to share his feelings for me. It works! Operation: Heart Closure is now in progress. Back to being the old me again. I'm not sure why I let him see right in me and open up to him, but I won't make the mistake again. I need to reverse the damage, it's time to clean up my mess and attempt to go back in time. I'll be happier. I've always been happier keeping my feelings locked away. It was silly of me to even let them out. Goodbye cruel feelings! I'm locking you up and throwing away the key!

I've got this feeling

2008-02-06T11:53:00.000-08:00

The feeling that Garrett wants to break up with me, or at least doesn't want to be with ME anymore keeps getting stronger and stronger. I know this sounds bad but I logged on to his facebook and he had been writing a message to this girl "Ashley" a girl he had a huge crush on but broke his heart. This isn't irrelevant to it, but it was on my birthday, dumb I know. But anyways, he's been planning on hanging out with her and has been constantly checking up on her. I'm concerned. should I be? Am I just being a stupid jealous girlfriend when there is no need to be?
I don't know what to do anymore, I just want him to tell me what he wants, and if he doesn't want me anymore he needs to get it over with. I can't stand here and wait for him the whole time while he drags me along!

Just Tired of the Same Old Thing

2008-01-31T09:04:00.000-08:00

I've been with Garrett for over a year now. I know things will never be easy for us, but two people make up a relationship. This is not a one way street here. I can't be making all the effort, I can't be the one who feels more in this relationship. It isn't fair. And over this past year I've had to learn how to take care of myself and to think about my feelings for a change, and its been hard. And what I've learned about myself is that I'm tired of being stomped on and left in the dark. I'm tired of making all the effort to make people happy. When is it my turn to be happy?

I want to be with Garrett, I love him, but I don't get that from him. He's said he's loved me at one point, but it was more indirectly and I had to drag it out of him. That's not how it should be. Saying something and meaning it, are completely different things. If you can't show that you mean what you say then you are a liar.
I'm tired of being put off for his friends. I don't mind him hanging out with his friends cause I have my own friends to hang out with. But it seems like he never makes plans with me anymore, always with his friends. I know he has school and it's hard, believe me I know. I'm taking more credits than he is AND I am maintaining a job of almost 20 hours a week. But I make time for him when he lets me. He's taking less credits than I am, he needs to put more effort into this relationship, if that's what you can call it anymore. I don't want to be hanging by a thread here, only seeing him and being with him when it's convenient for him. That's not fair, what about me? I need love and affection. I need someone to worry about me and call me everyday and tell me how much they care about me and SHOW me!
I just don't get it. We've gotten into fights about this before and again we're back in the same position as we always are. I'm sick of it. All I'm asking is for one night or day a week he spends time with me, he worries about me, he WANTS to be with me and is not thinking about being with or hanging out with his friends or anyone else. Is that really too much to ask for?

The Beginning

2008-01-26T23:16:00.000-08:00

So today is the day I start writing in my blog. I'll probably update my blog every week, I'm shooting for Sundays as the days for new updates. However, life doesn't always work out the way you expect.
So school started this past week. It's going to be a tough semester. My classes won't be easy....neither will my relationship this semester. I guess that's life though, at least in the real world. I've already been getting a strong wind of stress heading my way. The stress has slowly been bumping me both from school and with my relationship with Garrett. He's really driving me insane. I can't figure him out.
At least this weekend was fun and helped remove some of the stressors. I went to many fun parties this weekend and had a blast. I love hanging out with friends and playing games. I just love being around people in general. And from it all I'm so exhausted. So I'm going to bed. Until next week.....