Taken Over by the Fear

The dictionary describes Fear as: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

Everyone has fear. Some people fear spiders, some people fear snakes, some people fear death and some people fear love. As I look at all of these types of fears, one thing that seems to be related to all of them is one main fear. Fear of getting hurt, whether that be physically, mentally, spiritually or emotionally. Why do we fear hurt and pain? Why aren't we willing to go through the pain to feel the good or to learn a less for us to become better people?

My question is, is it worth it? What will we get out of feeling pain? How is it more beneficial for us. I think that's what we are concerned about. We can't see how it can turn out good. We can't see past the pain. And perhaps we can't trust. We can't trust others or we can't trust in what will happen. Perhaps we're scared of the unknown or disappointment. Or sometimes we think we know what will happen are tricked by our brain into not going into something good because of a past experience. Perhaps are fear originates in our brain. I don't think it originates in our hearts because our hearts are true and know exactly what we need. Our brain sometimes strays from our heart and that's when the fear begins.

When our fear begins, if we're not careful, we could be taken over and not listen to our hearts. Our hearts could be forgotten. That's how I feel sometimes.
I think Lilly Allen explains this feeling well:

I don't know what's right and what's real anymore
I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear?
'Cuz I'm being taken over by The Fear

-The Fear
Lilly Allen

Love

Why does it hurt so much? Why does your heart physically ache when you lose someone you love? Why can't getting over someone be easy?
How does happen? How do you fall in love with someone you never thought you would? How do you end up loving someone so much that you didn't think it was possible to love someone that much? How do you stop thinking about that person? How do you make the pain go away? How do you get over someone?

Our senses that connect us to our memories

It's amazing how much our senses interpret and how far back our brain can access. Everything seems to be connected. Our senses are what help us determine, make and find memories. To me, scent and sound seem to be the most potent for me to access certain memories.

Today I heard the song "Come in with the Rain" by Taylor Swift, the sounds of that song and the lyrics brought the scent of rain to my brain. It sounds weird, I know, but I could smell rain when I heard the song. With the song and the smell of rain lingering, a memory was brought back to my thoughts. It's nothing significant but it's something that I remember about my life.

When I lived with my mom, sister and brother in Colorado Springs I had my own room for a couple of years. I think I was 14, or around that age. During the spring and summer time the rain would come often. I remember laying in my bed at night which was next to the window and keeping my window open just a crack so I could smell the rain. I would lay there on my stomach, as close to the window as I could get. I would look up at the dark sky or just close my eyes and listen to the rain. It was calming to me I think. I really enjoyed the way the rain sounded at night and smelled; I loved how I could hear it tap on my window asking if I could come out and play in it.

From what I remember, I also remember crying during those times when I listened to the rain at night. Life was hard back then, real hard, and I didn't cry very often, but when I did cry I remember it being in the times when the rain would fall. Maybe I thought the rain would wash away my tears and all that bad things that had happened or all the things that I was upset about. Perhaps that is why it is so calming. The rain would just calm me down during that time in my life.....
Sometimes I miss those times.

Everything You Want

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

[Chorus]
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

[Chorus]

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

[Chorus]
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know

The Holiday of Love is Just Around the Corner

So as we all know, Valentine's Day is just a couple weeks away. It seems that many people have been asking me what they should do for their secret valentine/significant other etc. I've also had a conversation on the point and reason for Valentine's Day. So first I will enlighten you on why Valentine's Day seems to be important to society and other people.
Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate your love for someone else, to show someone that you care about them and think about them or just to show that you like someone in general. It’s a special day, it’s a day to help someone in your life feel loved and cared about, like they matter in the world. Now…you may ask, shouldn’t that be everyday? And my answer to you is YES, it SHOULD be everyday, but the fact is, is that it’s not. Society (well Hallmark if you want to get technical, but mostly society since they follow through with it) has chosen February 14th as the day to celebrate love. Now, you could choose a different day to celebrate love, it doesn’t have to be February 14th. In fact, in your life you could make it everyday as it should be. You could let someone know you love them or care about them or like them in a special way any day and every day. It’s more special for that person when it’s not just on Valentine’s Day but just any random day that you are thinking about them.
Now, as far as what to do for your secret crush/significant other or anyone you care about……the first suggestion I have for you is to be creative. Open your mind to different possibilities, think outside the box. Another suggestions I have is to not spend a lot of money, at least not on silly boxes of chocolates and stuffed bears (flowers it’s ok
:-P). Instead make something for her/him, something meaningful. Find out their favorite colors, get to know that person intimately and show them what you know about them and what you like about them. You could plan picnics, decorate their car or room, send them little notes in places you know they’ll be, the list goes on and you don’t have to spend a lot of money. The key is to be creative and thoughtful. That’s how you REALLY show you care about someone or like the.
As a side note, this doesn’t have to be just for Valentine’s Day either. Hopefully these tips will help ya’ll.

The Good Kid

I think the worst family member to be is being the good kid. The good kid is the one who is always invisible in the family. It's different if you are an only child and are the good kid, but being the good kid among the rest of the siblings in the family is difficult and very unfair.

Us good kids are expected to be the good kid. These expectations are reasonable to an extent but they are unfair if no one else is expected of them as well. Everyone should have the same expectations, that's what equality is right? Parents are supposed to have equal love for their children, so why do they get unequal expectations?

This brings me to the theory that there is no way in the world Parents love their children all the same. It's impossible. Secretly, unknowningly or unwantingly, parents do not love all of their children the same, there is always more love to one sibling than another. If they did love their children the same, expectations would be the same, praises would be the same and discipline would be the same. Not to say that each expectation, praise and discipline has to be identical for each child, but they need to all be on the same level. Unfortunately no matter how hard you try, they are not. This is why it is no fun to be the good kid.

Our expectations are set, and we receive a lower level of praise than do our siblings who are the "trouble makers" or who have a hard time with certain things. Their expectations are set lower, so that if they exceed a certain expectation they are praised very highly for it. The good child's expectation is at a higher bar, so high that it's nearly impossible for us to exceed that expectation, which leaves no room for praise, or at least not the same level of praise as the other siblings.

It's interesting however, when the good child doesn't live up to the high bar that their parents set for them, whether making a wrong choice, not doing as well as they thought they could, etc. It seems when we don't live up to par like we're counted on, our repercussions are more severe than when the other sibling with lower expectations doesn't live up to them.

Parents think that just because the good child does what they are supposed to do and are successful, they don't need to be praised, they don't need to worry about us, they expect us to do well without anything. FYI to the parents: they need positive attention as much as the not so well behaved children. Some of the good children are doing well and obey for multiple reasons, one of them being the need for attention and approval from their family. Unfortunately we don't get that attention unless we do something wrong, and then that attention is not positive, but negative.

There is a positive aspect of being the good kid. Although we do not receive the attention we deserve, if we look at things in the long run, we will be very successful and can lead better lives, we can be happier in our positive and successful lives. There are things in life that are in store for us, so we need to keep looking forward. We should continue to be invisible so we can have a better life for the future.

Welcome 2009

It's a new year, Welcome year 2009!

Now that I've just gotten used to writing the year 2008 on all of my papers for classes and my journal entries, It's time to change. Now I have to get used to writing 2009 on my papers, this will take some time. I'll have to erase the date many times and start all over again. I'll forget a lot to write down 2009 instead of 2008, and I know that when I use pen I'll have to somehow artistically transform an 8 into a 9. I've been able to change the 7 to the 8, but I think the 8 to a 9 will be a little more tricky.


The point of the new year is not just having to get used to the change in writing the date down, it's about change in our lives and getting used to that change. I've written previously about my feelings towards change, however this time I won't rant about how much I despise change. I'm excited for change this year, it's time to better myself and look forward to life. Like I've said before, change is necessary for growth.


Of course I have a list of things I'd like to accomplish this year, just like every other year. But this time I have a plan to go along with these new year resolutions. I've carefully written out a plan and guide on how I will be able to stick to accomplishing these resolutions. It's not a huge elaborate plan, my plan consists of little steps to accomplish to lead up to the success of the change. I find that if we take baby steps, daily steps, this is the best way to achieve goals.


So here I am taking little steps to the year 2009! Bring it on 2009!