The Duties of the Citizen

So I have to tell you the truth....I never expected to get called for Jury Duty. I feel like I was called on the worst day too. Amanda is here to visit me for a week, and I was called for Jury Duty today, the second day Amanda is in town. But I have no excuse, so I sat in the courtroom for 4 hours while the judge and the attourneys questioned us so that they could find the most fair and impartial jurors for the case.
So I have never been called for Jury Duty, I'm a first timer. So I head to the court building, they tell us not to park in the 2 hour parking spots or we will be towed because we will be there longer for 2 hours. They tell us we can park where the court structure is but we have to pay. So I'm driving down there and all of the parking spots are 2 hour parking! Where do they expect me to park? So I park about 3 blocks away from the building in a neighborhood.
Then I get into the building but of course this is my first time and I have no idea where to go so I ask the guard for directions and he tells me where the jurors assemble. When we get to the assembly room I had to fill out a form and then take a juror badge. We sat in a room for about half an hour before the Jury Commissioner came into to welcome us. It was very brief and then she turned on a video. So for about an hour we watched a video about how to be the best juror and what our duties were. The movie was interesting I must admit, and in a way helpful in understanding my role as a juror.

After the video we sat in the room for another half an hour, finally the bailiff came in and walked us to the court room. The courtroom wasn't really what I expected, it was a lot smaller, but I guess that's hollywood for you, it continually disappoints you. We all piled in on the benches in the back of the courtroom where prospectors could sit. They explained to us that they would call us up in groups and ask us questions to determine who would be on the jury. Before we seperated into groups they asked the whole group if any of us felt that we could not be on the jury. So many people lined up. Apparently everyone felt they couldn't be there. I stayed sitting down cause there was no point. For an hour and a half each person in line had to present their reasons to the judge and attornies. Only about half of them were legitimately excused.

Finally the first group was called to the jury box and the judge and attorney took turns asking us all questions. It took about two hours with a 15 minute break included. There were a lot of questions they asked us. It wasn't too bad. I found it kind of interesting.

Again they asked us if we would be willing to be on the jury and then they told us this court case would last up to 4 days. That's 4 week days from 8am to 5pm in a boring courtroom! Ridiculous! All the case was was a car accident. silly. I hoped that I wouldn't be called on the jury or poor Amanda would be bored and lonely!
After the hours of questioning, they called my name and told me I would not be on the jury because my stepmom worked for the company that was suing. Thank goodness! I was very grateful to not have to stay there. However, I think that if Amanda had not been in town I would have wanted to stay and provide my civic duties, it was actually pretty interesting and a good experience.

Mothers

Happy Mother's Day! Since this is the day to celebrate mothers, my blog today is of the appropriate topic.

Today at church I wonderful talk was given in sacrament meeting about Mothers. My good friend Shelby gave the talk. It was a talk that really touched me and changed my perspective. A lot of the time growing up my mother and I did not get along. Sometimes we still don't and it made it hard to see the positives about being a mother. Today my perspective changed. Shelby talked about the "Attitude of Gratitude" that President Monson talks about. He said "Mother, who willingly made that personal journey into the valley of the shadow of death to take us by the hand and introduce us to birth—even to mortal life—deserves our undying gratitude. One writer summed up our love for mother when he declared, 'God could not be everywhere, and so He gave us mothers.' "

I thought that was an amazing quote about mothers. It explains why the role of motherhood is so important. Although my mother and I have had our moments where we don't get along, she still is an important person in my life. Without her I would not be here on this earth. Today I decided to have the attitude of gratitude about my mother. I made a list of everything positive she has taught me and has done for me:

To My Mother:

The first most important thing my mother has done for me was bring me into this world. It takes a strong and loving mother to bring a child into the world. It's amazing how wonderful of a person my mother must have been in the pre-mortal life for God to trust her with his children.

My mother also raised me the best she knew how. What a strong woman she is for having raised 3 children under such low circumstances.

I'm grateful to my mother for all of the qualities and skills she's taught me. She's taught me how to love and care for those around me, even for strangers I do not know. She's taught me that reaching out and serving others is important. It is such a Christ-like attribute and I'm glad to have learned it from her. I've also learned how to have determination and to set goals. I've learned that although the road get's bumpy, I'll get to my destination if I have faith.

I've also learned how to be independent and to fend for myself. Having independence makes you a stronger person and gives you the ability to help others who are in need. However, she's also taught me that no matter how independent I become, I still will always need to rely on the Lord.

I've learned so many things from my mother and I'm so blessed to have her in my life. She is a beautiful daughter of God and I'm thankful to be her daughter.

To All Mothers:

To all of you beautiful daughters of God out there who have the opportunity to be a mother right now in your life, You are a special gift on this Earth. The world would not be here without you. You are our teachers, leaders, friends, and most importantly the women in our lives who could not love us more on this Earth. The role you hold on this Earth is the most important role that helps lead all of God's children to salvation. We thank you for all of your love, support and duties.

Happy Mother's Day!

Life is Eventful

The other day I had some time available to catch myself up with some of my friends and their lives. Blogging is amazing. So many of my friends from Pennsylvania and here in Colorado have so many things going on. Their lives seem so eventful, they always have something to post, something they are getting ready for and are excited about, something they are enjoying.

Many of my friends are getting married, or have just gotten married and are starting their lives together. Another big portion of my friends are having children and expanding their families. It seems like everyone's life is busy and eventful and that they are looking toward something.

Looking at my life, the only thing I have to look forward to right now is graduating and that is still a year away. I feel like my life isn't very eventful, I feel like there is no exciting news to talk about, no updates that people want to know about. The update in my life right now is that I have finals week next week and I'll be finished with my Junior year in College.

I guess I'm just waiting for the day when I have something to update others' on, something eventful and exciting. All I really have to look forward to is graduating next year, the increase in student tuition and fees due to the economy next year, rising need for student loans, working this summer to pay off my car, and hopefully starting a softball team this summer. Looking at all of those things to look forward to, it doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun (except maybe the softball team!).

Taken Over by the Fear

The dictionary describes Fear as: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

Everyone has fear. Some people fear spiders, some people fear snakes, some people fear death and some people fear love. As I look at all of these types of fears, one thing that seems to be related to all of them is one main fear. Fear of getting hurt, whether that be physically, mentally, spiritually or emotionally. Why do we fear hurt and pain? Why aren't we willing to go through the pain to feel the good or to learn a less for us to become better people?

My question is, is it worth it? What will we get out of feeling pain? How is it more beneficial for us. I think that's what we are concerned about. We can't see how it can turn out good. We can't see past the pain. And perhaps we can't trust. We can't trust others or we can't trust in what will happen. Perhaps we're scared of the unknown or disappointment. Or sometimes we think we know what will happen are tricked by our brain into not going into something good because of a past experience. Perhaps are fear originates in our brain. I don't think it originates in our hearts because our hearts are true and know exactly what we need. Our brain sometimes strays from our heart and that's when the fear begins.

When our fear begins, if we're not careful, we could be taken over and not listen to our hearts. Our hearts could be forgotten. That's how I feel sometimes.
I think Lilly Allen explains this feeling well:

I don't know what's right and what's real anymore
I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear?
'Cuz I'm being taken over by The Fear

-The Fear
Lilly Allen

Love

Why does it hurt so much? Why does your heart physically ache when you lose someone you love? Why can't getting over someone be easy?
How does happen? How do you fall in love with someone you never thought you would? How do you end up loving someone so much that you didn't think it was possible to love someone that much? How do you stop thinking about that person? How do you make the pain go away? How do you get over someone?

Our senses that connect us to our memories

It's amazing how much our senses interpret and how far back our brain can access. Everything seems to be connected. Our senses are what help us determine, make and find memories. To me, scent and sound seem to be the most potent for me to access certain memories.

Today I heard the song "Come in with the Rain" by Taylor Swift, the sounds of that song and the lyrics brought the scent of rain to my brain. It sounds weird, I know, but I could smell rain when I heard the song. With the song and the smell of rain lingering, a memory was brought back to my thoughts. It's nothing significant but it's something that I remember about my life.

When I lived with my mom, sister and brother in Colorado Springs I had my own room for a couple of years. I think I was 14, or around that age. During the spring and summer time the rain would come often. I remember laying in my bed at night which was next to the window and keeping my window open just a crack so I could smell the rain. I would lay there on my stomach, as close to the window as I could get. I would look up at the dark sky or just close my eyes and listen to the rain. It was calming to me I think. I really enjoyed the way the rain sounded at night and smelled; I loved how I could hear it tap on my window asking if I could come out and play in it.

From what I remember, I also remember crying during those times when I listened to the rain at night. Life was hard back then, real hard, and I didn't cry very often, but when I did cry I remember it being in the times when the rain would fall. Maybe I thought the rain would wash away my tears and all that bad things that had happened or all the things that I was upset about. Perhaps that is why it is so calming. The rain would just calm me down during that time in my life.....
Sometimes I miss those times.

Everything You Want

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

[Chorus]
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

[Chorus]

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

[Chorus]
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know